Searching For Satisfaction

Maybe I shouldn’t have said that.

But I meant it.

Niggas. They piss me off. Just perplex me and irk me and get on my last damn nerve, and for no reason.

Two different men have pissed me off tonight, but for two totally different reasons.

The first one….he’s one of the guys that I’ve been dating here….He’s been acting differently since we both got back from our trips (he went to Atlanta with a “friend” – now I’m starting to wonder). He used to come over for dinner and spend the entire night, every night. Now, he’s out the door 30 minutes to an hour after dinner, and I don’t like that. I told him that I wanted him to stay and spend more time with me, and he told me he wanted to go home and go to sleep.

I quit him, and I’m serious. I don’t have time for wishy-washy. Plus I like him too much now to play it casual the way I need to.

The next one…a fucking throwback from my past, MM. We “dated” (if you could call it that) when I was in high school, we met at a summer engineering program @ UIUC. Back then he was sweet and nice and I really liked him. We kept in touch throughout college, until one day about 4 years ago he went off on me on AIM, calling me all kinds of horrible, horrible names and basically cursing me, my unborn children, my family, etc. Just mean and totally came out of nowhere. I have no idea
where it came from or why he did it, but I’ve never forgotten it. Horrible.

Anyway, tonight he decides is the night to apologize via AIM (why do people wanna apologize to me via AIM? Why?). I guess he thought I was gonna be so happy to hear from him that I would just fall over myself catching up with him and accepting his apology. I don’t give a fuck and him or his shitty 4 years too late apology, and I told him that. He had the nerve to be lightweight upset that I wasn’t trying to chat it up with him, but who the fuck cares? Dude went way too damn far 4 years ago and I don’t forget shit. I hold a grudge like the best of them, and I haven’t let go of this one yet.

This is why all I can say is….Niggas…