Searching For Satisfaction

Archive for the ‘my life’ Category

It’s been a pretty good week, which was much-needed after the miserable state that I was in just a few weeks ago. I’m not 100% but I’m feeling better.

So…Five Good Things That Happened In My Life This Week:

*I talked to my dad – may seem like a small thing, but for me it’s a big deal. My father and I were estranged for several years, but we reconnected & buried the hatchet when I was home last summer. Since then we’ve both made an effort to communicate & rebuild our relationship, and I’m very grateful to have my father’s presence in my life. We had a chat this weekend about some of the things I want to accomplish, and he was very supportive & had some great ideas for me.

* My big project is turning out to be a success – I came very close to quitting my job in February – like just packing up my stuff & throwing them the deuces, and this project was a big reason why. It’s been a trainwreck from the very beginning, and it got extremely bad, but since then it has gone much better. I managed to turn the project around & make it work, and now I’m finally getting good results. After all the stress of this project & the numerous hassles & hurdles, I’m proud of myself for making it through this very difficult project & literally kicking its ass.

* My new site is ready to go – I am so super excited to launch the new site next week. I’ve been working with a logo designer to design a logo for the new site, & I absolutely love it. Overall I love everything about the new site & I’m so excited to be blogging over there. This really is the culmination of the change that happened in my writing – I went from mostly random posts & not giving it much thought, to really being invested in my writing, my site & my brand. I hope that you guys love it as much as I do.

* I interviewed for a new job – the same day that I was interviewing technicians to work for me, I had my own interview for a new job. The job would be a promotion & a move into management, but I’m not sure I want it. I don’t want to make another bad move, like I did with my current job, so I don’t want to leap at the first job that comes my way. The interview went very well & they have invited me back for a final interview with the larger team.

*I kicked it with the homies – It’s been a long, cold winter, and I didn’t get to see my friends as much as I wanted to. Now that it’s warming up, we’re doing more activities. I spent some time kicking it with my friends SS & DN & it was good to catch up with them & hang out. It had been awhile, & I really missed them. I can’t wait to have another spring & summer of the antics with those two, plus some of my other friends.

Honorable mention – I reconnected with an old friend. I made a move, & it was received well. Things have picked up like we never were out of contact, & I’m happy about that. I missed my friend.

It’s been a good week. Hopefully next week will be even better 😉

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Last year, my friend EP told me all about the Primal lifestyle & I decided to try it out. Basically, its a low-carb lifestyle that emphasizes eating the way cavemen ate: lots of free-range/organic meats, veggies, healthy fats/oils, nuts/seeds & limited fruits & dairy. No processed food, no pasta, no bread, etc. I started eating that way & fell in love. So nowadays a cook a lot of Primal or Primal-based meals, and this is one of my favorites.

This is a recipe I found at Purely Primal, which is my favorite Primal recipe blog.

Because it’s a Primal recipe, this isn’t a traditional quesadilla in the sense that there is a tortilla. But there is chicken, veggies & plenty of cheese #yum.

You need:

  • Chicken breasts or tenderloins
  • Peppers – I like to use red, yellow and green (bell) peppers for color & flavor
  • 1 onion – you can eliminate or cut this back if you’re not an onion fan
  • Tomatoes – I like to use Roma tomatoes because they are easy to wedge
  • Shredded cheese – either cheddar or a Mexican blend
  • Cumin – for the chicken
  • Garlic powder – for the chicken
  • Chili powder – for the chicken
  • Paprika – for the chicken
  • Sea salt – for the chicken
  • Ground black pepper – for the chicken
  • Olive oil – for the chicken

Start by seasoning your chicken, cutting into strips if you’re using chicken breasts, and then saute over medium-high heat in the olive oil. Also, preheat your oven to 350 degrees.

While your chicken is cooking, chop your veggies. I cut everything into strips, and the tomatoes into wedges.

Once your chicken is done, grab a baking dish or a casserole dish. I use a ceramic baking dish I got from Ikea. Put the chicken down first as the first layer. Next layer on top your veggies, just make it all random.

Finally, sprinkle your shredded cheese on top. I add a lot of cheese cause I like it really cheesy, but use as little or as much as you want.

Now just pop it in your oven for 10-15 minutes, you just need to get your cheese melted & allow your veggies to cook a little bit.

You can serve this with salsa, sour cream & quacamole if you want – I don’t use any of that cause I find this recipe is delicious without them! Here’s my plate:


A quick an easy dinner on a weeknight, that’s actually good for you. Try it out!

Today is a very busy day for me.

Today is interview day.

This morning I am interviewing technicians to serve as my hands on the big project I’ve been managing at my job. The method we are bringing online in very involved & requires a lot of hands-on time, time that I simply don’t have. So my boss finally got the powers that be to approve hiring a technician, so I will no longer be chained to this project #yay

I’ve been an interviewer before a few times, but it’s always interesting to be the one conducting the interview.

Especially today.

After I conduct interviews, I’m driving across town to interview for a position.

That’s right, I will be both the interviewer and the interviewee in the span of about 3 hours.

I’m not sure if I want this job, moreso because I don’t want to make another hasty, ill-planned move. I want my next move to be a better move…and moving to my current job was not. I do not want to repeat this experience, so I have to do a better job of ascertaining whether a position is an upgrade or a downgrade. I do not want to jump to a new position solely to get out of a bad situation.

But in the meantime…I have an interview.

Wish me luck!

Time to start packing...

I started blogging here: Confessions of a Grad School Slave

I moved over here when my grad school blog didn’t fit anymore: Searching For Satisfaction

Then I did the WordPress migration: Black Girl Unlost

And now I’m excited to announce that I’m taking the next step – moving Black Girl Unlost to its own domain!

I am super duper psyched for this move. I didn’t know I could do it, but I made it happen and I can’t wait for you to join me on the new site.

#shoutout to my hosting company – Versatile Media Group! Much thanks to @jasonlanderson for all the help & support in making this dream of mine happen.

Need hosting, website design, banners, etc? Please check out Versatile Media Group & tell them Jubilance sent you 🙂

Be on the lookout for the official launch this week!

Remember those notes from back in the day? #nostalgia

I wasn’t gonna write about this at first but then I got dared, so…..

I’ve written before about having a crush, and even going out on a date with my Twitter crush, but I’ve never talked about being on the other side. To be honest, it’s been a minute since someone had a crush on me, at least a crush that I knew about. Last year one of my Twitter followers had a crush on me, and he wouldn’t tell me for the longest time. Instead he’d ask me questions & leave messages in my Formspring. Eventually he revealed his feelings, but also that he felt he wasn’t “ready” to deal with me quite yet, so I left it there.

The new crush is also from Twitter…what started from a convo about a shared love of Lucky Number Slevin morphed into the beginning of a new friendship. We’ve talked about a lot of things & so far he seems like a nice guy. I’m a little hesitant to dive in, I’m moreso interested in developing a friendship first. But it is very nice to be told nice things & have someone in your life that is really into you & not afraid to say it. 

It’s nice to be liked, desired, appreciated & admired. 🙂

I wrote this post last year, and I had forgotten all about it until Lauryn Hill’s “I Used To Love Him” came on my iPod when I was in the car. That song still taps into something deep in me, and it still describes exactly how I feel. Amazing. Since I wrote this post, I still love hard…but I’ve learned to not retreat when love knocks me down – I get up, dust myself off, put a smile on my face, and keep on giving & embracing love. Keeping my heart open despite the hurt I faced last year has been a challenge, but I’m happy that I’ve made progress. Anyway…here’s my post from last year – enjoy…

…but now I don’t…

I was driving him from work today…my iPod was on shuffle…and that song came on. I hadn’t heard it in forever…I had to listen to it twice.

This song is ME.

Lyrics:

As I look at what I’ve done
The type of life that I’ve lived
How many things I pray the father will forgive
One situation involved a young man
He was the ocean and I was the sand
He stole my heart like a thief in the night
Dulled my senses blurred my sight

I used to love him but now I don’t
I used to love him but now I don’t

I chose a road of passion and pain
Sacrificed too much and waited in vain
Gave up my power ceased being queen
Addicted to love like the drug of a fiend

Torn and confused wasted and used
Reached the crossroad which path would I choose
Stuck and frustrated I waited, debated
For something to happen that just wasn’t fated
Thought what I wanted was something I needed
When momma said no I just should have heeded
Misled I bled till the poison was gone
And out of the darkness arrived the sweet dawn

I used to love him but now I don’t
I used to love him but now I don’t

Father you saved me and showed me that life
Was much more than being some foolish man’s wife
Showed me that love was respect and devotion
Greater than planets deeper than oceans
My soul was weary but now it’s replenished
Content because that part of my life is finished

I see him sometimes and the look in his eye
Is one of a man who’s lost treasures untold
But my heart is gold I took back my soul
And totally let my creator control
The life which was his to begin with

I used to love him but now I don’t

So many parts of this song speak to me…and about my love life up to this point. Especially Mary’s verse, where she sings about following your passion because you’re addicted to the love…sacrificing your crown for some man…knowing it could be so good, wishing/hoping/praying for it be as good as you know it could be…but its not.

Yeah, that’s been me.

I have a really bad habit of loving hard. I go all in when I feel it, I just dive head-first into the pool of feelings…and sometimes I go in so deep & so fast that I can’t make it out. And then once I do make it out, I refuse to test the waters again. I travel on a pendulum, and I swing from one extreme to the next, and then back again…

I’m tired of that.

Maybe I can wise up & figure this love/relationship thing out.

Since last summer, when I first admitted to myself that I was unhappy in my career & needed a change, I’ve been considering the idea of going back to school. At various times I’ve been flip-flopping between a strong interest/desire to go back to school, and a strong aversion to additional schooling. Right now, I’m back on the “I might need to go back to school” side of the pendulum.

Currently I hold a BS and MS in chemistry. Lots of technical training, but that’s it. I’m very good technically at what I do, but now I have additional interests & areas that I want to master, that are way outside of my training. Areas like business development, entrepreneurship, finance, accounting, marketing, and management/HR. I’m not expecting to be an expert in all those areas, but right now I don’t even have a foundation in those areas, beyond what I’ve picked up in my almost 5 years in the corporate world. Right now I can’t really transition out of engineering & into the types of positions I want, because I only have a technical background, with no formal business training. In order to move out of engineering/sciences, which I desperately want to do, I either need some formal training, or someone to take a chance on me & allow me to learn on the job.

My ultimate goal is to own my own business – actually several businesses. I want to control my own destiny. I don’t mind hard-work at all, in fact, I enjoy it. But I want the fruit of those labors to directly benefit me, in more ways than simply a salary and benefits from an employer. If I’m going to give my effort and my time, I want it to be for me & mine, not simply to line the pockets of executives & investors. I won’t work 80-hour weeks for my current job, but I definitely will for my own business.

So why am I on the fence about going back for the MBA? Well there are a couple of factors. First, there is the money problem. I have more than enough student loan debt, and I am not interested in adding to it. In my perfect world, I wouldn’t have to pay a dime for my MBA, and I’d really like to make that happen. I am a realist & I know that’s hard to do, and that’s why I’m hesitant. One option is doing a part-time MBA program & utilizing a tuition reimbursement program through my employer. My current employer changed their tuition reimbursement program, and they now require a 5 year commitment AFTER the completion of the last class is completed, and with a 3-year program, that’s 8 years that I would have to stay #nobueno. So if I want to go the tuition reimbursement route, I have to change employers.

I’m also on the fence because of my age. I will be 29 in July, and if I decide to do a full-time program, the soonest I could begin is Fall 2012, and I would be 30. I’d graduate when I was 32. Do I really want to be in my 30s and back in school? Would I be deemed “too old”? Can I be a grown-up & go back to the life of a poor graduate student? I remember that life, and it was hard enough in my early 20’s. Now I have grown-up bills & responsibilities & I’m not sure if my finances can handle it. I’m not sure if my ego can handle being a 30+ year old graduate student.

My final hesitation about getting the MBA is simply if it is worth it. I know that I don’t want to be a cog in the corporate wheel for the rest of my life. I know I want to do my own thing & be my own boss. Will an MBA help me on that path, or will it simply train me to work for someone else & be a slave to a system that I’m desperate to escape from? I don’t want to spend 2-3 years and thousands of dollars on a piece of paper that won’t help me get to my ultimate goal. I don’t want to waste my time or my money, and I refuse to do so. I know that all the advice in the world won’t be able to guarantee that the time & money spent on an MBA is worth it in achieving my life goals…but it will help me decide whether or not I’m willing to take a chance on an MBA.

So here’s where I ask for advice…if you were in my position, what would you do? Given what I want to do, is an MBA worth it? Should I be worried about being a 30+ year old MBA student? And most important – any suggestions on how I can get my MBA paid for?


The Blog

Ever wanted to get into the mind of a young, single, professional Black woman? Well here's your chance. Travel with me on this journey called life as I try to find the elusive state of satisfaction...I promise, it'll be a fun time....
twitter / Jubilance1922

Past Posts

The Red Pump Project