Searching For Satisfaction

Guest Post – It’s Not Just About Steak and BJ Day

Posted on: March 14, 2011

Hey yall, here’s another guest post, this time from the homie 3rings. Show him some love please

First, I would like to start off by saying thank you to an old e-friend, Jub, for allowing me to share her space and for allowing me the opportunity to write to you all today. My topic of discussion I would like to present to you is about the males version of Valentine’s Day, also known as Steak and BJ day. For the uninitiated, March 14th is a day of which men have selected in response to the more woman-oriented Valentine’s Day. On this day, ladies who have a man (jumpoff, FwB, etc) are asked to prepare a steak for their man and top it off with a happy ending (oral sex). While reviewing my Twitter timeline, there were a lot of women who flat out refused to take part in such a day, but were ecstatic to be a part of Valentine’s Day. That is called being selfish, very selfish.

On Twitter what generally happens is a playful topic is morphed into one of serious discussion. Some of the ladies viewed this day, the act of cooking, and the act of oral sex, as submission towards a man. It only takes a limited amount of experience to understand submission and sisters are not joined together lol. The cries are loud and venomous as normal anytime the word submission is brought up in any form. This “holiday” is being seen as an act of submission when it was just intended to be playful.

I do know this, the act of submission is the best gift a woman can ever give a man besides children. Before the ladies pull out your weapons, hear me out.

Submission is not a weak thing nor does it mean your opinion is not valid. It simply means you trust your mate to make the correct decision after having asked your views on the topic. I think far too often, most especially when it comes to the Black community, the word is looked on as a negative. I would go so far as to say that the women who refuse their man when he asks for a simple steak and oral sex either do not want  to submit (for fear of being deemed weak) out of hand or is simply very selfish. This is one of the biggest reasons, in my opinion, Black men and women cannot get along. Somebody has to lead and a lot of fellas are not going to be the follower.

The holiday aside, lets look a little bit more into that last sentence. Questions have always been asked as to why the brothers are dating the others. In my opinion, it is because a lot of sisters want the role of head of household. The whole I am a strong woman, I am a CEO of this or that, the perceived attitudes (justified or not) have lead many a brother (if they admit it or not) to move on to where he can be the man of his home. Now, before you say this, “well, if he cannot handle a strong woman, he is a punk or female dog” I offer this: why would anybody want to put up with that if they do not have to? Ladies have requests and most do not settle for anything less. If a woman will refuse a request like a steak and BJ, what else will she refuse? Where else will she be combative? And the big question – do I really want to deal with a selfish, combative, argumentative woman? In most cases, that answer by actions are no.

I end with this, March 14th is meant for fun and for pleasing the man who lays it on the line every day for you. It is not meant to demean or anything of that nature. If you took it as such, maybe you should reevaluate some things in your personal life. The act of submission is not for the weak woman; it shows true strength and the trust you have in your mate. And lastly, if you are one of those people always stating what you will not do because it makes you look a certain way, that is your right and I will defend it to the death. However, I prefer my steak medium rare and my oral sex done slow and very moisturized.

Thank you for reading.

Alright yall, thoughts? Is 3rings on point here or is he off his rocker? Hit the comments!


21 Responses to "Guest Post – It’s Not Just About Steak and BJ Day"

Thank You… You get it… And it sucks that alot of really beautiful black women will be eternally single…

Great Post…


My comment is very simple – if you are truly taking care of home, a steak and BJ are not too much to ask.

HOWEVER…many that make the request aren’t handling business. I am not submitting to just ANY man; I submit to my husband BECAUSE he also loves me as Christ loves the Church. Christ loved the Church enough to die for it. It’s funny how very few people ever take note of that particular aspect of the entire scriptural reference.

Carry on.

Lisa just hit the nail on the head. I don’t think most women are anti-submission, they are simply looking for the right man to submit to. And if a man doesn’t have his stuff together, doesn’t demonstrate that he can lead a family in the right direction, why would a woman submit to him?

Too many men want all the perks of submission & being the head, with none of the responsibility. Can’t have it both ways.

Yes!! Lisa nailed it!! I will gladly submit to the man that loves me, is a good provider & I can trust to make good decisons. I love to cater to man, when he is good to and caters to me. If that were such the case I’d have no problem with the holiday. However if I was involved w/ a man who wasn’t into Valentines (which I am) then yeah, he can’t just jump on the “Yes, it’s S&BJ day!”… naw son… it don’t work like that…

this post makes it seem like valentines day is a chore or something u should barter…..if celebrating that day is something youre going to “tit for tat”…you might want to rethink what ur with thAt person for.
in addition…. i find the whole “3/14” idea kinda childish. and a little disrespectful. it just feels that way.

I disagree with the chore statement and the bartering statement. Again, the intent of the day was playful and something some guy some where made up. Another point, just as it is not required to do these things on this day as they can be done any day, so can valentines day. What makes that day important to the point of if someone does not celebrate it, it then becomes an issue of love with your SO?

Nice, post. But on key ingredient missing:

The official site!

How you ladies like it. x

I don’t think women should submit to men that aren’t their husbands, or at the very least–husband material. There needs to be a progression in the relationship where it is known this is where this is going.

I have read counter arguments that women can’t switch off right after marriage so submission should start before then–but I’m not buying that. It can be a gradual process mentally but treating a man like a husband when he is NOT your husband sounds like a disaster to me.

I can agree with that point reecie.

So many thoughts…

The first thing that came to mind was the reason behind Steak and BJ Day. Men feel unappreciated on Valentine’s Day. Well, why don’t you tell your mate this instead of creating a crudely titled “holiday” of your own that seems to be all about your wants instead of a day to celebrate your love? Maybe I’m alone, but I don’t look at Valentine’s Day as a day to get mine.

If a woman wants to give a man a steak and a bj as a way to show her love and appreciation on any day of the year, go for it. Both partners should show their appreciation throughout the year and not just on designated days.

And no, I can’t get behind the submission thing. I believe that relationships should be an equal partnership. I know that each person has areas he/she is stronger in and should probably defer to the partner’s expertise in that area. But the thought that the man automatically gets the final say in all areas because he has a Y chromosome? Umm, no.

ok then who makes the decision? If you feel that way, how do you believe decisions should be made?

In a perfect world, jointly. But we don’t live in a perfect world, so it’s about picking your battles. There are some things I’m passionate about and some I’m not. If you’re in a relationship, you know which issues are going to push your partner’s buttons.

I like to think I’m a reasonable person.

Yes, sometimes you have to defer, but that should come from both sides, not just the woman. IMHO.

I can’t even speak to the silliness that is this “holiday,” but I will say that I agree with both Lisa and Reecie on the area of submission. The problem is not only that there are women who refuse to submit. The problem is two-fold, in that there are a bunch of women out here in these relationship streets submitting before a) they are supposed to and pre-a) to men who are unworthy of said submission. A penis alone does not make you worthy of submission, I’on care WHAT might be yelled out during the sex act.

We (women) give away too much too easily. A man can have our bodies, our loyalty, and our submission for far less than the food and oral sex suggested here. Much, much less, and that “less” almost always ends up being a man who is disgustingly far from walking in the character qualities that suggest a man worthy of submission. But there aren’t enough good black men (note the sarcasm) so we settle. And to add insult to injury, we submit to that which we settled for. And we raise kids in this environment (if the whole sham is even together long enough for us to do so) and send a bunch of confused black boys and girls into the world who are ill-prepared to deal with a relationship in its most true and sincere form, so….

The cycle repeats.

Both genders have an assignment here. Men, you need to work toward being the man that God called you to be prior to jumping up and down about how somebody is supposed to submit to your irresponsible and immature self. And women, we need to stop submitting to a man before he holds the office of husband, and stop marrying those who have no business in the office in the first place.


The “holiday” again is just more for fun from my understanding of it. While I agree with your assessment, what I do find surprising is the assumption that men asking are immature and irresponsible. However, I do agree with some of your points made.

I typed that in that fashion because, IMO, the only men rioting and beating their chests about how a woman won’t submit to them are men whose irresponsibility on some level–be it with their relationship with God, their finances, their woman’s heart, their level of interaction in other healthy relationships, forward progression in life in general etc.–and immaturity bar them from being the type of man a woman should submit to. A man who is taking care of his aforementioned business, as well as that of maintaining the relationship with his woman, and doing his best to excel in other areas of his life won’t (generally speaking) have a problem with his WIFE submitting to him–provided he “wifes” the type of woman who is willing to embrace biblical submission. Some women just aren’t, as a poster above indicated. And they should find that out before they wife her and start miraculously expecting her to act out of character.

That I can and will autograph and frame in agreement.

As lisa pointed out, Jesus loved the church and as such how a man should love his wife. I put in there that this is a man who gladly lays it on the line on a consistent basis. I did neglect to add husband in the mix but I do find the comments very interesting. The holiday in it of itself is more of a fun thing, a haha thing that was taken and viewed as a submissive act for whatever reason. I hoped to write from the point where the conversation turns from fun to serious. Please continue to comment and I will clear up any of my points.

All I want to know is why didn’t I know about this holiday before now? Hell I would have made some plans. 😐

a wife should love her husband as her husband loves the Lord. if he is not aligned with God’s word then his house is not in order. if he behaves like God is not worthy of his submission then he his not worthy of his wife’s submission. notice i said wife. i don’t want a gf/jo/fwb submitting to me because with that comes a lot of responsibility. responsibility that comes with marriage. i’m not ready for marriage right now so i’m not ready for that responsibility.

I didn’t know it was this serious. Also, dudes don’t get gifts and sex for Valentine’s Day? I’ve been doing it wrong. LOL!

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Ever wanted to get into the mind of a young, single, professional Black woman? Well here's your chance. Travel with me on this journey called life as I try to find the elusive state of satisfaction...I promise, it'll be a fun time....
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