Searching For Satisfaction

Compatibility Versus Attraction When It Comes To Dating and Relationships

Posted on: March 9, 2011

I’m an inquisitive person by nature, so I’m often asking questions, especially on Twitter.

A few weeks ago I asked this:

First, I’d love it if you readers would answer that question in the comments section, thanks. I’m really curious about this.

I don’t even remember how I got on this topic, but I had a lot of random thoughts in my head. How important is compatibility in a relationship/marriage? Is it better to be with someone who makes you hot or someone you get along with? If you really want to go the distance, should you go for someone who is kind of “middle of the road” in both categories, or pick one over the other?

Given the interconnectedness of our world now, I think it’s a lot easier to find someone who you are compatible with. Sites like eHarmony are built on the idea of connecting people based on their compatibility & a shared foundation/set of values, and THEN adding the physical attraction part in later. With Facebook, Twitter, message boards, etc, it’s so much easier to meet like-minded individuals, and to make a connection with someone without the physical part being the main focus.

We’re still humans, and physical attraction is still a vital part of human interaction. But with the new ways that we interact, I wonder how much of a backseat the physical part takes, when the heart is invested in someone who is truly meant for you in every other sense.

Thoughts? Oh and be sure to answer the questions I asked above, including the one from Twitter. Thanks!


27 Responses to "Compatibility Versus Attraction When It Comes To Dating and Relationships"

You are a little bossy with the answering of the questions but here goes –

1. I believe I could date someone I’m compatible with but wasn’t all that attracted to physically. Honestly I think the attraction can come if you two spent a significant amount of time together and have honest communication/deep conversations.

2. I believe compatibility is very important. Beauty fades and then what?

3. I believe it is better to be with someone you get along with.

4. I think it would be great if you could find someone who is kind of “middle of the road”. Physical attraction is usually what gets two people together initially and compatibility is usually what keeps them together.

Did I answer all the questions?

I am assuming “LM” you are in your thirties…

What leads you to that belief?

BTW, yes I am.

Because VERY few women in their early twenties would drop a post like this…

That is what I go through with young shallow women…

Oh okay…gotcha.

I’m just being honest.LM

People will use that as an excuse to cheat, so I will have to say no.

I’d have to ask…compatible how? Spiritually, Mentally/Personality-wise, sexually & emotionally? Mentally & Just mentally? Some varied combination of the 4? The following response relates to having compatibility w/ no less than 3 of the 4 items I listed above.

Strictly dating, yes. I see nothing wrong with dating someone whom I’m very compatible with, especially if said compatibility meant we clicked very well. Some physical attraction is better than none; in my experience, the compatibility/”click” factor usually compensates anyway. exponentially so if sexual compatibility is high.

After college, compatibility has always been much more important to me than physical attraction. I can’t be with someone JUST because they look hot to me. That’s not enough, and that’ll lead to entitlement issues on her part and resentment on my part.

Garsh. That sure is a whole lotta querstions. Lol!
I’ll come back to this later. #todolist

I need to be attracted to a person. That’s a given and not negotiable. I’ve met a great many men that I am compatible with but have no feelings for or attraction to. I saw a quote yesterday that really resounded with me. “Forever is a long time to wear the wrong ring.”

Attraction, to me, is about more than physical appearance. As well, compatibility enhances attraction, for me. The reverse doesn’t work for me, though. A compatible person doesn’t make them attractive. There’s got to be more. I mean, to be honest, I tried eHarmony and did not have an ounce of interest in anyone that seemed “compatible.”

It just sounds like settling, to me.

The question didn’t say you weren’t attracted to the person at all.

“wasn’t all that attracted to physically” = not attracted to them, to me. Either I am, or I’m not attracted to someone. I’m not trying to argue, I get what you’re clarifying. I just don’t see that in shades of grey, really.

When I started giving more credence to compatibility suddenly more people were attractive.

It really depends on how bad it is.

Ugly hair vs missing half the teeth in her mouth.

or missing a couple of teeth vs. missing a couple of legs, etc.

Generally speaking, I dont care as long as i’m not repulsed by the sight of her. Everybody has limits.

Compatibility is very important but so is attraction. I dont think I could be with someone that I’m not physically attracted to. No matter how compatible we are because I will always desire more, it would be less fulfilling. I’d rather date someone I am compatible with as well as attracted to physically.

Good Morning, this is definitely a post that turns me on…

I am 23 years old, and RIGHT now, this second, my beauty threshold is VERY low… & my compatibility requirements is SUPER HIGH…

But if I want to mean something to a WOMAN… I want to be Attractive (physically included), keep from getting cheated on… (I call it the CELEBRITY TEST)

& compatible because I need her to be happy so she can ADD value & GOOD ENERGY in my life…

I have to have it all… WHAT ABOUT YOU JUBI…?

See I believe that as long as women are feeling STRONG emotions (good or bad), then she will be fine in a relationship…

if i don’t want to have sex with you then we can’t date. but if we are MEANT to be together then there will be physical attraction along with compatibility….so you don’t really have to choose either or!

Pray God that this doesn’t happen to me, but it can happen. I don’t think I would be able to date someone i’m not attracted to because i’m not compatible with people I don’t find attractive. I think it happens to people when the type of people they find attractive always let them down. I know a bunch of dudes who just stop going after the “pretty” girl because each time they end up with a broken pocket and heart.

I think it happens to people when the type of people they find attractive always let them down.

Ladies stop blaming the entire male gender just because you’re attracted to assholes, I keep posting this, but this is So classic of the ladies… men do this to a lesser degree

The Good Doctor Strikes Again

Point out where she attacked men? She said “people”, meaning both women and men.

I am not going to read the post again… But I was commenting on what Dr. Jay said… ID remember if she attacked men… And I didn’t mean to attack women…

I really just pointed out what alot of women do when they go about

Reject the guys who are good humans, but lack attraction… and go for the attractive guy who lacks the element of treating women well…

& then that relationship falls out…

And then said women is on her n*ggas ain’t shit campaign, but what she really means is that the type of dude she is attracted to keeps letting her down, hence Dr. Jay’s Post…

I don’t respect women who go for attractive men & allow those men to railroad them, only to complain about it later… Go for the whole package if attraction is HIGH on your list…

AGAIN, men chase pretty girls, and put up with mess also…

But he doesn’t complain about (THE CHOICE HE MADE) as LOUDLY as the bitter/jaded woman…


I think that both aspects, compatibility as well as physical attractiveness are important in an intimate relationship. These days it’s hard to have a balance b’c people have lost the initial aspect of dating & even courting. It seems that relationships are hastily made without first finding out if one is truly compatible. In my opinion it would probably be “less stressful” to find someone that fits both areas enough that satisfies you & makes you comfortable. In either case, if you either one can sustain/satisfy someone, that person will probably end up leaving or diverting from the relationship anyway.

“…if you either one can sustain/satisfy someone, that person will probably end up leaving or diverting from the relationship anyway.”

I meant “…if either one CAN’T sustain/satisfy someone, that person will probably end up leaving or diverting from the relationship anyway.”


I could and did and we’ve been married for 11 years come the 24th.

Yes…happily :*))

I’m not saying that as a qualifier or anything…just the facts.

I met my husband at work. I was in college and NEVER would have sought him out as a dating partner, because well….he just wasn’t in my purview as such….(physical feature wise anyway.) We spent many a night counting down the store and we talked. A LOT. We got to know each other. We went out as friends, and on double dates. When it finally occured to us we might do well as a couple, the looks were such a non-issue to me I didn’t think about it until one of my asinine family members said something about “Ugly men will always take care of you…..” and then it kinda struck me. I was definitely the better looking of the two of us.

I believe the foundation had already been laid without the pressure of dating and his values and beliefs allowed me to see him for what he was as opposed to what he looked like. Because, even though I dated with a purpose, I am human and vain. I never would have given him a look if I didn’t have quality conversations with him beforehand….

Didn’t mean to blog in your comments….sorry ’bout that.

No worries! Thanks for sharing your story 🙂

Sorry…..I think I must have “cut” a part of my answer…

How important is compatibility in a relationship/marriage?

Is it better to be with someone who makes you hot or someone you get along with?
Get along with…looks fade over time….if you have them to begin with…if not…well….

If you really want to go the distance, should you go for someone who is kind of “middle of the road” in both categories, or pick one over the other?
I’ve don’t consider myself a do or die type, so middle of the road. Life is about balance…

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