Searching For Satisfaction

Guest Post: Reinventing the First Date

Posted on: July 27, 2010


This post comes from my college homie M. Carter.  He’s been reading the blog for a while, and we often have very intriguing relationship conversations.  He suggested this blog topic, and I asked him to write about it instead.  I hope you all enjoy it, and please leave your feedback so he can see what you all thought.

Let’s face it: the first date, which used to be a nerve wrecking/exciting experience, has now been reduced to a mundane activity that has no significance.  The wow factor is gone mainly because there is a lack of creativity.  We need to inject some fresh ideas and concepts into the first date.  A first date does not have to be expensive.  The main purpose is to interact with the person and get to know them.

First, here is what’s out:  (Its surprising how many guys still do these)

1.  Dinner and a movie -The dinner may work but with a movie, you two can’t really interact
2.  Dining at franchise restaurants – They scream lack of thought and planning
3.  Not giving our full attention to the person – Put the iPhone & Blackberry on silent
4.  Discussing your ex’s immediately – self-explanatory

Here’s how to have a successful first date:
1.   Pick a cool unique place that is not a franchise.  Try a new coffee shop in another part of town, try a restaurant that neither of you have ever been to. (Read reviews on Yelp if possible).  Try not to go to a place that you frequent or used to frequent with an ex.  You don’t want to poison this experience with memories from past interactions.  This also will cut down on the chances of you running into an ex.

2.   Keep the conversation light-hearted and fun.  Difficult conversations may stop a potential good thing before it starts.

3.   Make the first date and event.  Try to plan another activity afterward. If it’s a good date, it shouldn’t end.  Since its summer, go to a festival or go grab yogurt.  The key is to keep getting to know and interact with them. Do something fun so that you both can let your hair down, like an arcade.

4. If you are having a bad day the day of the date, try your best to shake the negative attitude and not take baggage with you on the date.  No one wants to start off with a bad attitude.

5. If you are bitter person (male or female) be on your best behavior.  No one likes a negative bitter person who is on the dating scene.

6. Leave the Diva/Divo attitude at home.  You aren’t doing anyone a favor by going out with them.  Dating is optional and you should respect the fact that someone is using their time, resources, and energy to take you out.

7. If you plan to go out with someone, give them their allotted time.  Don’t make them a backup or a transition while you wait for what you really want to do; meaning, don’t schedule back to back dates.  Give them a chance.

8. Thank them afterward even if you did not have fun.  Send a thank you text, call, or set up a second date if you are interested.  Dating should be fun and if we relax and keep an open mind, anything is possible.

Have fun and happy dating!

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3 Responses to "Guest Post: Reinventing the First Date"

M. Carter, you made some very interesting points. I wholeheartedly agree with the cell phone on silent while you are out with the person. Jubilance will tell you…that aggravates me. B/c my life is not so boring that I’m okay with sitting across from a person who is texting, BBMing, checking FB status, tweeting, or whatever. Respect your company or don’t agree to go out with him/her.

About the movie point…I understand your point but there’s another side to it. What if the guy or girl is shy/timid/introverted? A movie could generate conversation topics. Maybe switched the order – go to the movie first and then to dinner. Thus reducing the potential for awkward moments of silence during dinner.

This post is WONDERFUL and it’s refreshing to see it come from a man. I get SO MUCH FLAK for not wanting the $12.99 special at TGI Fridays. By this point, I’ve eaten everything there. TWICE. PICK A NEW PLACE. GAH.

Excellent tips! More guys need to check it out…

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