Searching For Satisfaction

Why You Don’t Get Approached

Posted on: May 17, 2010

I’ve been noticing a disturbing trend recently: a ton of women who lament that they get all cute & go out yet get no payoff in the form of attention from men.  They are flummoxed as to why that is….so I’m here to share some knowledge I’ve learned with the ladies.

Reasons Why You Don’t Get Approached:

*You go out in a huge group – Going out with 4,5,6+ women is the fastest way to not get approached the entire night.  While you see your group of friends as just a crew of ladies out having fun, a man sees it as more hurdles than a track meet.  Men loathe approaching a woman who is a part of a group.  When he approaches, all the women not being approached are gonna start hating (ladies, y’all know this is true).  That man is gonna be critiqued from his head to his feet as soon as he walks away, and most likely it won’t be positive.  Not to mention, he can forget about trying to get your number or taking you to breakfast, cause your girls aren’t gonna allow that to happen.  You want a man to approach you?  Go out alone or with one other woman – its much less intimidating for a man.

*You always scowling or frowning – Ever had a man tell you that you look mean?  You probably do.  Now I understand, that sometimes you need to have the mean-face on to ward away the undesirables (tho most of them aren’t deterred by that anyway, but I digress…), but when you want to be approached & there are men in the area that you would like to approach you, why are you still walking around looking mean?  Smile, or at least look friendly.

*You avoid eye contact with the man you want – This one kills me.  I have one friend who is notorious for this…she’ll see a guy she thinks is attractive, and then proceed to look away EVERY.SINGLE.TIME. he looks at her.  WTF?  What kind of sense does that make?  Ladies, when you’re looking around the room, and you lock eyes with a man…DON’T LOOK AWAY!  Hold his eyes for a few seconds, and then smile.  Heck you can even wink.  The point is that you’re showing him that you’re interested in him approaching you.  A lot of men won’t make a move unless you give them a sign that they aren’t going to get shot down the minute they open their mouth.

*You spend the entire night begging for drinks – This is so not cute.  I have discovered that a lot of younger men just refuse to buy drinks nowadays.  I don’t really blame them, Ketel One isn’t cheap & folks abuse the privilege.  Sweating dudes for drinks all night makes you look cheap, & gold-diggerish.  Standing around thirsty trying to get a drink sponsor is so not the business ladies.  Buy your own damn drinks!

Have I missed anything?  I’d love to hear from the men on this one – what makes you NOT approach a woman?  Ladies, any tips for your sisters?


11 Responses to "Why You Don’t Get Approached"

Amen, WW! You’ve previously mentioned most of these tips to me and I’ve been trying to implement a couple…baby steps. It has really been beneficial to me…leads to good conversations/interaction with the fellas. And if you mention these to a guy friend, most will agree.

So before you shrug them off, try them!

At my first glance of this blog I thought here we go again. Another critique of something that most people really have no clue about and only an opinion. Opinion, true but pretty accurate and so true. I thought time had progressed and ladies had evolved to a sense of knowing how to attract who they wanted, but I was wrong. It seems many have not and the ideas here are on point. One point I would add is that, even if you travel in a large group, good for safety, separate for a little while. Not so far as to leave everyone you are with and not so far away that nobody knows where you are. Give space for the timid and or shy brother, that might have the qualities you want in a man, to approach you without anxiety of being ridiculed. I can go rounds with this topic and hope that there are more men with confidence that can elaborate and discuss this because men need to know what women are thinking too. Be Great!

I think you are pretty on point.

Might I add, “You don’t look as cute as you think you do,” and go into style & ettiquette? Lol!

That’s a great idea, that’s a great follow-up post.

I said essentially the same thing (in a roundabout way) to her on Twitter and she scoffed! lol

I didn’t scoff! I just said I’m about highlighting things that folks can actually change…can you really change being not attractive physically?

Good posts…I will like to add…

1. Living in Atlanta, girls who have to much attitude.
2. Women with attitudes like “Why are all these guys constantly sweating me? Maybe because you have your breast out and you look easy.
3. Girls who act like you are doing them a favor by talking to them.
4. Women who come out and act single but who arent really single.

Thats it. Good topic.

2 & 3 should have definitely made the list.

#2 isn’t really a problem with getting approached tho. That’s a problem with attracting the right man…and I can & will discuss that in another post.

#3 could be in this post tho.

I have a friend (using the term friend loosely) who is a drink begger…I stopped going out with her. She will go thirsty the entire night, or hold the same cup of ice, waiting for a guy to buy her a drink…pathetic

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