Searching For Satisfaction

My money issues + other stuff

Posted on: May 6, 2008


I got money problems.

Not the usual money problems though. Normally I’m complaining about not having enough money to do the things I want to do. I’ve discovered that I have another problem entirely.

I’m too damn responsible.

I can blame my parents, specifically my mom for this one. She raised me to always take care of business (meaning the bills) before going out and playing. And to this day, I’m stuck on that. Even when I was in college, while my friends were tricking off their money on iPods, the newest cell phones, and shopping sprees, I was being responsible and paying my numerous bills. I had to pay for all my stuff (rent, phone, car, insurance, etc.) myself, while the majority of my friends had to maybe pay one thing and their parents paid everything else. Lucky bastards. Anyway, at one point during my senior year of school I realized that I hadn’t bought anything for myself that wasn’t groceries in months, simply because I was so broke.

Now I’m not so broke (at least on paper) but I still feel like my mom is gonna get me if I don’t pay my bills. And I feel bad when I buy something for myself, especially if its over like $50. Last year I hemmed and hawed over a bag from Nine West that I wanted, and it was like $50! I wound up getting it and I loved it and I got so many compliments, but that was an agonizing decision. I feel like I’m being frivolous when I buy things for myself. So that’s why I have no Coach bags, no Chanel, no Gucci, but I do have a knock-off Prada that I love (and I agonized over buying that!). I know so many other women who don’t have a second thought about dropping hundreds of dollars on a bag or shoes or whatever, but I just can’t do it. I feel like I can’t do that until I’m 100% debt free, and I’m not there yet. And I probably won’t even do it then cause I’m trying to stack funds to buy a house.

But I would like to get to the point where I don’t feel guilty about doing things for myself. I work hard for my money and at some point I should enjoy it. I could never be one of those folks who ends up having stuff turned off, borrowing from a gang of folks to get the essentials taken care of because I was out tricking off my money, no way.

Aight, so now on to the other stuff:

I met a guy. A cute guy, who also happens to be a young guy. He just turned 22. And he’s short, like my height. But he’s so damn cute! And smart, which was a big surprise. We had two dates in one week, and we also spent his birthday together. So far I like….

RD and I are just friends. I realized last week that I hadn’t talked to him in a week, and he hadn’t even crossed my mind. So that sealed the deal for me. We’d been “casually dating” since December, and neither one of us felt the desire to make it more than that. And he’s really focused on trying to make more money, and I can’t blame him, cause he is really struggling. We agreed to just be friends and I think that was a smart decision.

Work has been running me ragged for the past week or so. A couple of weeks ago, I was trying to find any work I can do, and now our lab is full of stuff, and of course all of it is hot. I spent all day fighting with the damn GC/MS, and at the end of the day I felt like slitting my wrists…ugh. The idiot man in purchasing is holding up my project that I’m managing because his stupid self didn’t tell anyone that he wasn’t doing his damn job. So I lost 3 weeks on my project that I could have used. Fucker. My new project is gearing up, but I’m so busy with my real job that I don’t have time work it the way I should. I’m gonna have to just buckle down and work it these next 3 days so I can have something to report on Monday.

Besides that, its the same old boring life as usual…

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1 Response to "My money issues + other stuff"

I thought it was just me! I am in college now, and all I spend my minute paychecks on are bills. As soon as I get a bill I pay it. I can’t function well otherwise. However, I am learning how to treat myself. I am learning that life isn’t always studying and work. If you have to, force yourself to do something just for you. Everyone deserves to be treated special. Make sure you take time to do that. This is something that I am learning. It isn’t an easy lesson, but no one’s life should be all work and no play. And so what if they guy is short and younger? If he’s a cutie, treats you well and you like him, then he at least should be given time!

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Ever wanted to get into the mind of a young, single, professional Black woman? Well here's your chance. Travel with me on this journey called life as I try to find the elusive state of satisfaction...I promise, it'll be a fun time....
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